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I love karaoke and have travelled (part of) the world exercising my incredible skills and after years of doing it and watching others do it, I now feel qualified to list the top 10 songs that no one should ever do at karaoke. Maybe if it's your first time, you're nervous....you've seen others do it and think your heartfelt rendition of "Kokomo" is what your audience wants to hear. You've never held a mic in your hand and don't know how to handle it...should use your left or your right...everyone told you it was going to be painful (on the ears), is it better to do it with the lights on or slighty dimmed so no one can see you straining to hit those high notes in "Eye of the Tiger", should you move around or just stand there..etc etc. I know, I've been there...I probably started a little earlier than most but I grew up quick when it came to acts of over indulgent cheezy pop culture expression...I started this web site when I was just a wee thing. Hell I've done it in rooms all over this city and Tokyo...I got around...but don't let that make you feel nervous or inadequate...just don't do these songs and we'll all be sitting in the afterglow of your karaoke greatness. 10. Paradise By the Dashboard lights -we all love a good duet but not one we've been forced to listen to since our first high school dance...save this one for alone time in your Civic on the way to the cube farm. 9. Dead or Alive-At first it seems like an obvious choice...overdramatic hair band cheez ballad about a cowboy. Dig a little deeper...there's probably some Cinderella in that karaoke catalog... 8. Anything by Tom Jones-unless you're good enough to make people throw their underwear at YOU, you'll pale in comparison 7. I Will Survive-You might but we won't. 6. You Got What I Need-and it's for you to put down that microphone stat if you fire this one up. 5. Like a Virgin-when it comes to karaoke at least... 4. I Did It My Way-and if we did it MY way no one would ever do this song 3. The Pina Colada Song-I only know one person who can do this with the right amount of irony and charm. If you choose this song you might just like yoga and have half a brain 2. Living on a Prayer-large groups of karaoke novices seem to get really into this one...I'm usually not in those groups. 1. Bohemian Rhapsody-oboxiously long and way more irritating than you think at the time. When I hear people do this I sometimes wish I'd never been born too. Ok so maybe I'm being a little harsh...you might be a great singer who can pull of any of the above with true vocal excellence. But guess what? That's not what karaoke is about despite what the numerous karaoke contests at bars and bowling alleys across the midwest would have you believe. Karaoke means "empty orchestra" but more importantly it means singing ridiculous songs badly. It supposed to be a bunch of people sitting around singing cheezy songs and drinking beer, not American Idol. No one is getting a record deal at the end of the night. It's also about performance and all of the above songs are for the most part already way too over done by the orignal artists. Even if you showed up with the cowboy hat and the six string on your back, Dead or Alive was already cheezed out enough when Bon Jovi did it. Go for those long forgotten songs from your youth like "Toy Soldiers" by Martika or pick the latest Avril Lavigne schlock and ham it up. But be warned, there was a time when "Hit Me Baby One More Time" was a great pick but it's so played out now you'd be better off going for "Im a Slave for You". People love a surprise at karaoke and digging up those great one hit wonders makes everyone excited and in nostaligic anticipation of your interpretation of a closet classic. You wouldn't serve Wine in a Box at your dinner party so why serve Celine Dion to your karaoke cohorts ( or anywhere to anyone at anytime for that matter although I will say I have a weakness for "My Heart Will Go On"). If you do insist on doing these tunes and your friends enjoy it then go on with your bad (eh he) karaoke selves. Just don't invite me. Labels: Music In my 15 years of Rush fandom I never could have imagined the recent and very rock n'roll, incidents that seem to be happening with the band. First Alex Lifeson gets arrested. Ok lemme talk about that for a second. So apparently Alex was out partying with his son (naturally) and his son's wife at some club in Florida about a year and a half ago I think. I guess they got pretty loaded cuz Alex exercised his "Freewill" a little too much and got into it with some security or cop type people at the place when they started hasseling his drunk son. Before you know it a mugshot is circulating the internet and the band is getting a smidgin of the press they've been deserving of all this time! The best part of this is that someone who I guess is an approved member of his entourage was holding up a "Free Alex" sign in the background when a TV crew was interviewing him at the badly behaved prog rock guitar god holding facility down there. Even better...a somewhat overweight female fan approached Alex as his was being escorted through the place and asked for a hug. "This isn't a good time" or something like that was his reply. I was dying! I mean the guy is in downtown booking and besides his hands were probably cuffed.  My question is why couldn't he have done this shit back in the 70's or 80's when people seemed to sell another million records for every TV they through out of a hotel window? On to Geddy Lee....For some time now there's been an MP3 available of Geddy telling a bunch of apprently oblivious concert goers to back the fuck off the stage or it's gonna collapse. Never in my life...could I imagine people "rushing" the stage at a Rush concert. I mean we're talking about a crowd which is 98% male (when I'm there) wearing glasses, a pony tail, a t-shirt with a dragon on it and a pair of acid washed jean shorts. These are the same people who wait on line for three days to get Star Wars tickets for opening night. I know because I've done that too. I don't know if Rush accidently started playing at the Linkin Park concert or what but if anyone knows where this took place I'd love to find out. Also Geddy was such a prick too...he's like if you don't stop pushing the show's gonna end and it's gonna be a real bummer. " Apparently people were still pushing because he adds "do you understand English?" You gotta love it...maybe if they changed the set list every 20 years or so people wouldn't be so fucking hostile! I am sure this concert took place during a show they were recording for the 10th version of the same live album they've been releasing since 1978. That's probably why Ged was so pissed...I wouldn't want to have to play "The Trees" again either!! Still I must end by saying Rush is still "relevant" (as snotty music critics like to say when they just mean "good") and I love them dearly...especially Alex.Labels: Music I have no shame and through this recent process of self-discovery that some, or one of you really for that matter, are aware of, I'll admit it..I'm so tired of harboring this dark secret that's weighed me down for so many years...I like country music. I don't care how many friends I lose through this admission...because if you do ditch me...I'll just drink a can of Bud and turn up the Garth Brooks even louder...afterall I've got other friends and they are in "low places". Garth is where it all started. Back when I was doing a brief stint of Ivy League eductation no less, a classmate introduced me to the twangy charm of Garth Brooks' music. The jaded urban hipster in me resisted at first but who can deny songs about drinking, marital woes and truckin, for too long...it's all the same when translated to the Brooklyn hipster daily grind of getting a good latte, dyke drama and riding the F train. Eventually I began to find myself in those songs, not in a ten gallon hat, leather boots and bolo tie but in a Joy Division t-shirt, checkered Converse high tops and manic paniced red hair. It's all good...and when it's not there's always a Reba McEntire song to soothe the soul. Cuz I might have been born just poor white trash but Fancy was my name goddamit! Labels: Music so I rode the F train with 2/3 of Le Tigre the other day..and I thought nothing could top my recent 2am F train sighting of the Bachelor from season 1!!..I spotted J.D first and then Kathleen next to him....some girl went up to them and asked if they are musicians...and they said YES! Just kidding Le Tigre gals (and guy??) you know I have mad mad love for Le Tigre...yes I bitch about their iffy political statements and the crowd they attract but I'm part of that crowd! Since I work in the entertainment industry I'm around big time celebs all day so I didn't feel compelled to chat it up with them...but I did feel very compelled to scream out "see you later!" when they got off the train. But I didn't.  Labels: Music Once again please pardon the long silence. Once again I am sure you don't care. This last one was due to relocation of the Smartremark headquarters. At any rate I didn't think I'd be doing this log or my not so faithful readers any justice if I attempted to write about anything without having TiVO hooked up. It took about a month for me to finally sit down and do it (It also took about a month for AT&T to finally get my address right and put the phone in). Still somehow my widely cast pop culture net managed to miss the latest Ashlee Simpson crisis. Poor Ashlee got booed off stage at the Orange Bowl. The crowd (full of high brow music lovers I'm so sure) began to boo Ashley when her started to drift off key with her guide track. I didn't hear if she ran off stage, did a hoe down or what. However I do know that I wouldn't have heard about this for a while if I hadn't seen it on the cover of the NY Post (I think) this morning. The front page showed a picture with the headlines "Why is this woman still famous?" Um.....?? Labels: Music Music: Dashboard Confessional-Unplugged DVD
Why do I love Chris Carraba? Because his concerts are like dysfunctional singalongs around the campfire of our burning hearts. Yes I just said that! Ha ha ha. And because he has awesome Japanese tattoos. And because there is a love/relationships forum on the Dashboard Confessional website where twelve year olds can post awful epic love poems about the popular girl in school who ignores them or just doesn't like them "that way" . And because he wears his hair like a crown of misery and redemption. And because he's the Tom Cruise of heartbreak. Oh my god how cosmicly hooked up am I? I just put on Judge Judy and there is a case about two hipsters fighting over band equipment and one of the plantiffs mentioned Dashboard Confessional! She was like "name a band with one person in it" and the guy is like "Dashboard Confessional but they suck!" Judge Judy is like "Dashboard Confessional?" Ha ha. He lost the case anyway. Dumbass. Namechecked by Judge Judy, that's when you know a band has gone commerical! Labels: Music Do I know it's Christmas time? You're damn right I do with the annual ubiquotious holiday pop hit parade we're subjected to every year on the radio. I love the holidays for the most part and the other day I was even making an xmas mix cd for a non-party I hosted with a friend when a thought occured to me. I was listening to "Feed the World" by Band Aid and there is a part in the song where all the different rock stars give shout outs and say "happy christmas" and all this shit. Then at the end Bob Geldof, I think says something like "It's Thursday November 24 1984 and we've been here all night and I think it's time we went home, please you, middle class listener and non-rock star, feed these people in Africa, I need to go see if my limo is outside to take me back to my ridiculous mansion." Ok it wasn't exactly like that, but he did say they needed to go home and he, David Bowie and an assortment of rock stars ask us to please reach out and help these people in Africa, because do they know it's Christmas time AND they'll be no snow in Africa this year. Bob Geldof, David Bowie, Sting, Bono...have your heads been stuck up your collective European asses for the past millenium because when has there ever been SNOW or CHRISTMAS in AFRICA? And you know what I bet they like it that way. Also fifty percent of the people involved in Band Aid are no longer making music and if they are it's on the mainstage at your local county fair...that's right Heaven 17 and the Style Council! I love the song but can't help but feel the subtext of a guilt trip coming on as Bono belts out "tonight thank god it's them instead of you!" Yes, rockstars who throw televisions out of hotel suites and have excessive parties on yatchs telling me to feed the people in Africa, way to pass the buck Bandaid!
Labels: Music Ok can I just comment on the state of music journalism for a minute. I got the Rolling Stone Top 500 albums of all time the other day. I was fully expecting Nevermind to be number one. It wasn't, it was like number 10 or something but anyway....once again Rolling Stone refuses to acknowledge the existence of Rush. Rush has been blacklisted from Rolling Stone for at least the past ten years and I am sick of it. Rush was once my very favorite band of all time...but they suck now and I can't believe a day would come where I would say that but it's true. I have to tell it like it is. The last two albums blow and seeing them live, they play with the enthusiasm of a bunch of would-be rockstars playing a tacky Italian wedding on long island for the free food. I know, it's awful but it's true. But that doesn't mean they didn't release some of the greatest most influential rock albums of all time. It's like Yes, not everyone can deal with Yes but they can't be denied as incredible musicians and extremely influential. Come to think of it, I think Yes was omitted from the top 500 as well. Hold on, lemme check. Yes....they're not in there. Wow. Ok. Rolling Stone hates prog rock...and of course Spin which is such a better magazine and always about two issues of ahead of the bi-monthly RS on what the hell is going on just did an article on prog rock and the essential albums and Rush was listed. Anyway, not only did they omit Rush, only one Queen album was listed and The Smiths only made it into the top 200 AND Depeche Mode only got one listing and it was for Violator, not Music for the Masses and no New Order and no Kate Bush, no Tori Amos, no Bauhaus and no REM's Green. Wow, it's way worse than I thought. Ok and Green Day's Dookie got a higher rating than any of the above bands that were actually in there. That's ridiculous. Dookie is a decent album but certainly not that good and certainly not better than ANYTHING released by The Police which RS seems to think. Ok enough of my music snob ranting. Oh wait no Tu Pac. They have Dr.Dre and NWA but no Tu Pac. Ok enough. Rolling Stone you suck and I've listened to the new Coldplay and the new Flamming Lips and the blessed and holy White Stripes and all have to say is thank god for file sharing.
Labels: Music Music: No Doubt-It's my life
TV: Judge Judy I know that I have said that I hate all that power punk pop crap but I am sorry I just can't help loving that song "girls and boys" by Good Charlotte. I know...but it's a good song. Maybe I like it cuz it has that retro feel to it or something...but it's probably the only song by any of those groups I'll ever like. So I read in Spin that some guy wrote in his will that he wants Johnny Marr and Morrissey to reunite for one hour and sit in silence together or something. I mean come on. First of all the guy is gonna be dead if that ever happened and it would certainly have to happen over somebody's dead body I would think. All the people begging for a moz/marr reunion kind of annoy me though...I mean even if they did reunite would it be the same? I mean I am sure it would be great but would the music or anything really be the same? If they did reunite I think it would very simon and garfunkel...like for some event and only for that night and very tense...honestly I do think one day they will reunite but it won't be for a new album or anything remotely like that. Personally I think a Wham! renunion is what we all really need right now. Labels: Music |
