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I love karaoke and have travelled (part of) the world exercising my incredible skills and after years of doing it and watching others do it, I now feel qualified to list the top 10 songs that no one should ever do at karaoke. Maybe if it's your first time, you're nervous....you've seen others do it and think your heartfelt rendition of "Kokomo" is what your audience wants to hear. You've never held a mic in your hand and don't know how to handle it...should use your left or your right...everyone told you it was going to be painful (on the ears), is it better to do it with the lights on or slighty dimmed so no one can see you straining to hit those high notes in "Eye of the Tiger", should you move around or just stand there..etc etc. I know, I've been there...I probably started a little earlier than most but I grew up quick when it came to acts of over indulgent cheezy pop culture expression...I started this web site when I was just a wee thing. Hell I've done it in rooms all over this city and Tokyo...I got around...but don't let that make you feel nervous or inadequate...just don't do these songs and we'll all be sitting in the afterglow of your karaoke greatness. 10. Paradise By the Dashboard lights -we all love a good duet but not one we've been forced to listen to since our first high school dance...save this one for alone time in your Civic on the way to the cube farm. 9. Dead or Alive-At first it seems like an obvious choice...overdramatic hair band cheez ballad about a cowboy. Dig a little deeper...there's probably some Cinderella in that karaoke catalog... 8. Anything by Tom Jones-unless you're good enough to make people throw their underwear at YOU, you'll pale in comparison 7. I Will Survive-You might but we won't. 6. You Got What I Need-and it's for you to put down that microphone stat if you fire this one up. 5. Like a Virgin-when it comes to karaoke at least... 4. I Did It My Way-and if we did it MY way no one would ever do this song 3. The Pina Colada Song-I only know one person who can do this with the right amount of irony and charm. If you choose this song you might just like yoga and have half a brain 2. Living on a Prayer-large groups of karaoke novices seem to get really into this one...I'm usually not in those groups. 1. Bohemian Rhapsody-oboxiously long and way more irritating than you think at the time. When I hear people do this I sometimes wish I'd never been born too. Ok so maybe I'm being a little harsh...you might be a great singer who can pull of any of the above with true vocal excellence. But guess what? That's not what karaoke is about despite what the numerous karaoke contests at bars and bowling alleys across the midwest would have you believe. Karaoke means "empty orchestra" but more importantly it means singing ridiculous songs badly. It supposed to be a bunch of people sitting around singing cheezy songs and drinking beer, not American Idol. No one is getting a record deal at the end of the night. It's also about performance and all of the above songs are for the most part already way too over done by the orignal artists. Even if you showed up with the cowboy hat and the six string on your back, Dead or Alive was already cheezed out enough when Bon Jovi did it. Go for those long forgotten songs from your youth like "Toy Soldiers" by Martika or pick the latest Avril Lavigne schlock and ham it up. But be warned, there was a time when "Hit Me Baby One More Time" was a great pick but it's so played out now you'd be better off going for "Im a Slave for You". People love a surprise at karaoke and digging up those great one hit wonders makes everyone excited and in nostaligic anticipation of your interpretation of a closet classic. You wouldn't serve Wine in a Box at your dinner party so why serve Celine Dion to your karaoke cohorts ( or anywhere to anyone at anytime for that matter although I will say I have a weakness for "My Heart Will Go On"). If you do insist on doing these tunes and your friends enjoy it then go on with your bad (eh he) karaoke selves. Just don't invite me. Labels: Music Dear OC Kids Stop going to the mall. Nothing good can come of it. Besides a show with such indie rock cred should be promoting mom and pop shops in Chino not the Newport Mall. Everytime you go there Marissa shoplifts or Ryan's brother gets profiled or you just get locked in there overnight! And on that note, Ryan was it really a good idea to have Marissa along for that last outting considering she was the one who stole a watch last time, if memory serves me? And you were even thinking about bringing your bro to the pier for dinner, which is a favorite spot for you to exercise your "you wanna piece of me?" glare and that right hook of yours. Somehow I think bringing your ex con bro to the offical lunch spot of the water polo team is not using good judgement. Also when is anyone ever going to realize that your secret is NOT safe with Seth. Well I guess in this case that was the point but whatever. On that note, carry on. If things get any worse I'll comfort myself with the fact that Survivor is only three channels away. LH Labels: TV So I recently found myself in a Starbucks wearing this  T-shirt and suddenly felt like a Goth at a Jessica Simpson concert. Whatever...I aspire to anti-establishment anarchaic Abbie Hoffman ideals...but I needed coffee. Also I leeched off someone's nearby wireless router instead of paying the ridiculous six bucks an hour for that T-mobile shit. Look if they can't even keep Paris Hilton's cell phone safe they ain't worth my dime. And it's like sixty cents a minute after that! For those rates I could call Miss Cleo and have her tell me no one is gonna read my website instead of paying to log in and check on it! In my 15 years of Rush fandom I never could have imagined the recent and very rock n'roll, incidents that seem to be happening with the band. First Alex Lifeson gets arrested. Ok lemme talk about that for a second. So apparently Alex was out partying with his son (naturally) and his son's wife at some club in Florida about a year and a half ago I think. I guess they got pretty loaded cuz Alex exercised his "Freewill" a little too much and got into it with some security or cop type people at the place when they started hasseling his drunk son. Before you know it a mugshot is circulating the internet and the band is getting a smidgin of the press they've been deserving of all this time! The best part of this is that someone who I guess is an approved member of his entourage was holding up a "Free Alex" sign in the background when a TV crew was interviewing him at the badly behaved prog rock guitar god holding facility down there. Even better...a somewhat overweight female fan approached Alex as his was being escorted through the place and asked for a hug. "This isn't a good time" or something like that was his reply. I was dying! I mean the guy is in downtown booking and besides his hands were probably cuffed.  My question is why couldn't he have done this shit back in the 70's or 80's when people seemed to sell another million records for every TV they through out of a hotel window? On to Geddy Lee....For some time now there's been an MP3 available of Geddy telling a bunch of apprently oblivious concert goers to back the fuck off the stage or it's gonna collapse. Never in my life...could I imagine people "rushing" the stage at a Rush concert. I mean we're talking about a crowd which is 98% male (when I'm there) wearing glasses, a pony tail, a t-shirt with a dragon on it and a pair of acid washed jean shorts. These are the same people who wait on line for three days to get Star Wars tickets for opening night. I know because I've done that too. I don't know if Rush accidently started playing at the Linkin Park concert or what but if anyone knows where this took place I'd love to find out. Also Geddy was such a prick too...he's like if you don't stop pushing the show's gonna end and it's gonna be a real bummer. " Apparently people were still pushing because he adds "do you understand English?" You gotta love it...maybe if they changed the set list every 20 years or so people wouldn't be so fucking hostile! I am sure this concert took place during a show they were recording for the 10th version of the same live album they've been releasing since 1978. That's probably why Ged was so pissed...I wouldn't want to have to play "The Trees" again either!! Still I must end by saying Rush is still "relevant" (as snotty music critics like to say when they just mean "good") and I love them dearly...especially Alex.Labels: Music I have no shame and through this recent process of self-discovery that some, or one of you really for that matter, are aware of, I'll admit it..I'm so tired of harboring this dark secret that's weighed me down for so many years...I like country music. I don't care how many friends I lose through this admission...because if you do ditch me...I'll just drink a can of Bud and turn up the Garth Brooks even louder...afterall I've got other friends and they are in "low places". Garth is where it all started. Back when I was doing a brief stint of Ivy League eductation no less, a classmate introduced me to the twangy charm of Garth Brooks' music. The jaded urban hipster in me resisted at first but who can deny songs about drinking, marital woes and truckin, for too long...it's all the same when translated to the Brooklyn hipster daily grind of getting a good latte, dyke drama and riding the F train. Eventually I began to find myself in those songs, not in a ten gallon hat, leather boots and bolo tie but in a Joy Division t-shirt, checkered Converse high tops and manic paniced red hair. It's all good...and when it's not there's always a Reba McEntire song to soothe the soul. Cuz I might have been born just poor white trash but Fancy was my name goddamit! Labels: Music It's now 3:13am and I have spent a good portion of the last 12 hours playing The Legend of Zelda. Not "A Link to the past" or "Link Returns" or any of that sequel shit. No I'm rocking the 8 bit classic straight up. Damn it I already have Playstation but that shit's way too hard for me..and all that violence? That can't be too good for my psyche. So once again I'm sucked into the world of emulation. All this time I've missed my NES from junior high...it's long gone and for good reason. I was an addict! Running home from school everyday to play my favs like Legend of Kage, Gunsmoke and the rare Puzznic. I found out about emulators about six years ago but found getting the ROMS (or games if you aren't familiar with emulation) to be a pain in the ass. I never did finish Zelda back in the day...I didn't even have the game, I used to play it at a friend's house. So when I got my first NES emulator years ago I determined myself to finish it. The file must have got corrupted or something because after getting pretty far into the game my progress was gone. Bummer. So I forgot about it...until this guy at work gave me a NES Mac emulator with just about every game ever made on the disc. I danced around the idea of playing Zelda again knowing I'd be sucked into RPG blackhole, instead getting half way through Mike Tyson's Punch Out on an Amtrak train the other day and then playing Pac-Man most of yesterday...  Finally I gave into Zelda..now it's 3:23am and I am on level 6....what a bitch. I'd rather be made to drive through the Holland Tunnel at 4pm on the Friday before xmas then have to try that level again right now. I don't feel so bad about it though, it's all about aspirations. Look some peole want to run the NYC marathon others want to beat the Legend of Zelda. I just wanna finish the damn thing and be done with it. I think I've had enough for tonight though...I mean this morning
Not much going on here so I am forced to comment on the state of the O.C. Somehow someway I was seduced by those crazy kids and made the switch from Survivor to the O.C.....now I'm reconsidering how I spend my precious prime time viewing on Thursday nights. We all know how it goes on these teen dramas...Brenda dates Dylan who dates Kelly who dates Brandon whose sister is Brenda who dated Dylan who dated Kelly who dated Steve whose friend Brandon winds up with Kelly whose best friend Brenda winds up with Dylan whose buddy Brandon winds up with Kelly after a series of merry go round like relationships with everyone on the show. What I mean is that we start out with A and B and Y and Z...in between the beginning of the series and the end there's CDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVW and X. If the formula is executed correctly we shouldn't get to A and B and Y and Z together forever save the occasional flirting and meaningful gazes until the end of the series....however I am fearful that the O.C. is attempting to go against the rules of prime time teen drama physics by once again slapping together the same old Ryan and Marrisa leftovers with a side of Summer and Seth...reheated. Boring. And we've already exhausted the lesbian storyline? No, it looks like Marissa doesn't need to deal with her homosexuality...once again these new laws of teen drama physics state that at any time two hot girls can join together in haste and break apart just as quickly...coming out, homophoboa and lesbian drama are left for real dykes like me...living in C.G. not the O.C.  Labels: TV |
