Spellbound

directed by Jeff Blitz and starring some really strange children

Follow a bunch of kids as they prepare for the National Spelling Bee.  The first half of the movie is backstory on the various kids, some of whom really needed to be slapped or at least one, you'll know who I'm talking about when you see the film.  The second half is the kids at the bee.  Yes, there were moments of suspense as we wait to see if the kids can spell "Crocodilian" (sp? hehe) correctly but after a while it gets kind of boring.  I've seen the Bee on ESPN and it held my attention for about 30 seconds, I'd rather watch the "jewelry hour" on the Home Shopping Network.  I would have preferred to see more footage of the kids when they were back home and like getting beat up in the cafeteria.  Also the thing I don't get about this whole spelling bee is like, after it's over, then what?  I mean if you've trained to be a figure skater and you don't make it to the Olympics well at least you can skate really well and maybe join the Icecapades....but what do you do with spelling?  I mean so you can spell  "flibbertiggibet"...now what...an exciting career in proofreading?  Join the professional hangman circuit???  

Love Don't Cost a thing

directed by Troy Beyer and starring Nick Canon and Christina Milian

Nick Canon plays a geek who has a knack for fixing Escalades.  He makes a deal with some girl to fix her car if she'll fix his reputation.  He then goes from Erkel to 50 Cent  in 10 seconds flat.  I guess it's not the worst teen movie I've seen this year.  Definitely don't pay for this one and don't forget the cheap beer, you'll need it! 

The Perfect Score

directed by Brian Robbins and starring Erica Christensen and Scarlett Johanson

Ok I never stressed my SATS this hard and I still got into Cornell...sort of.  This movie is a sad attempt at paying tribute to the Breakfast Club through a bunch of cookie cutter stereotyped teens trying to steal the SATS.  A big step down from Lost in Translation for Scarlett Johanson but a big step up from Swimfan for Erica Christensen.  The people who made this movie apparently cheated their way through film school.  Let me ruin the surprise ending by saying that none of the kids actually wind up cheating on the SAT.  Trust me, I just saved you ten bucks.

Capturing the Friedmans

directed by Andrew Jarecki and starring a really messed up family

You thought your family was fucked up?  I mean FUCKED UP!  Wow...I love the fact that this movie was supposed to be about children's party clowns.  This is one of the best documentaries I've seen in a long time.  The amount of home video this family has is unbelievable.  I haven't seen something this good since the Paradise Lost movies.  Be sure to check out the two hours of additional footage on the bonus DVD...or have a life hehe.

2 fast, 2 furious directed by John Singleton, starring Paul Walker and Tyrese

I know I usually don't review stuff  I've seen on video but I gotta talk about this one because the sexual tension between Paul Walker and Tyrese is just too much!  All the "you're my homie, bro" comradary between these two is oozing with homoeroticism!  Paul Walker is the new Keanu Reeves I'm convinced.  The plot was way too hard for me to follow with Paul and Tyrese working for the cops, then for some gang but then still the cops, oh wait now the gang people wanna kill them, now another gang wants to kill that gang.  Honestly I don't think the story matters that much in this film, what matters is people driving in reverse on the freeway at 100mph, cuz that's cool!  

The Matrix Revolutions

directed by the Wachowski Bros, starring Keanu Reeves

Is the Matrix: Revolutions the Gigli of sci-fi? Prior to seeing it I thought Episode 1 held that honor. The messed up thing here is I remember seeing Matrix trailers at the head of Episode 2 and everyone taking comfort in what they thought would actually be a good sequel. I sort of liked Reloaded but Revolutions pretty much sucked. First of all...what's with the lesbians? The entire army of Zion is trying to take down this giant machine making type thing and these two dykes (I'm gay I can say that!) come out of nowhere with a bazooka and down it goes. Then of course, they get killed. The one super butch girl was mad hot too! We waited in line to get in and people kept asking "Is this the Matrix line?" and I'm like "no, its the line for people camping out to see Elf in two weeks dumbass!" I mean really. They they open the doors and I'm telling my friends "push push!" Marvin knocked over a garbage can trying to get us choice seating in the front of the second section. What a waste.

Scary Movie 3 directed by David Zucker starring Anna Faris and Anthony Anderson

This movie was half a spoof of Signs and half a spoof of the Ring.  I chuckled a few times but it was a little too slapstick for me.  

Lost in Translation directed by Sofia Coppola starring Bill Murray and Scarlett Johansson

I loved this movie and it made me very "natsukashi" for Japan.  They hit on everything awesome there except sticker machines!  I don't know why they didn't take a sticker picture.  Granted they were big when I was there in '99 but I think they still have them.  Also it would have been great to see Bill Murray play Dance Dance Revolution.  Anyway I love this movie not just for the Japanese cool factor but also because the subtle romantic friendship is played out so perfectly by Murray and the cute girl whose name I can't remember.  However, Japan was definately the star of this film.

Texas Chainsaw Masscare Redux directed by Marcus Nispel starring Jessica Biel and Eric Balfour

I am suprised I am not still shaking and able to type after seeing this.  This was the most fun movie I've seen since Mad Love was on cable last month.  I thought the fucking chainsaw was gonna come through the screen.  This movie is out of control.  There seems to be a strong anti-drug message at work here in that the only person who didn't die is the one person who didn't smoke pot.  That'll keep me away from the chronic that's for damn sure.  Partnership for a drug free america and leatherface unite!  Forget about school assemblies and your brain is an egg on a frying pan, show em this and they'll never take a hit again.  Ever.  

Party Monster

Any movie with Two of Hearts in it is gonna win me over.  Seth Green was great in this, McCauley Kulkin was a little over the top but I guess that's the point.  It was definately an enjoyable movie but lacking a lot of substance...but were we really expecting any?