Thirteen

directed by Catherine Hardwicke starring Evan Rachel Wood and Holly Hunter


Ok just because two girls kiss in a movie does not make it a lesbian movie.  But just because it's billed as a lesbian movie it will be bad...or so it seems.  This movie was bad.  The cinema verite style shaky camera shit drove me nuts.  I felt like I was watching some whacked version of "Kids" in one those rides at Universal Studios.  The message in this movie seems to be if you wear Paul Frank clothing you're a dork but at least not a drug addicted shoplifting bisexual teenage slut.  This movie was co-written by a kid and definitely reflects her teenage attention span to such things as plot and character development.  If you want to see this movie just because you heard two girls make out in it, then you deserve to sit through this schlock, that's the the reason I went to see it.

Freddy vs. Jason

directed by Ronny Yu starring Robert Englund and Ken Kirzinger


Jason plays the straight man to Freddy's stand up act in this one.  If you like this genre...then you'll like this movie, because really it doesn't take much.  Seriously they could have done a lot of cool stuff with this concept.  Why couldn't they do something where those annoying kids from "American Pie" wind up at Crystal Lake or on Elm street, oh wait all those people were already in "Scream 1,2.3", "Scary Movie 1 and 2" and "I Know What You Did Last Summer" and "I Still Know What You Did Last Summer"...this definitely was a good fight but I still think nothing tops Tanya Harding vs Paula Jones.

Charlies Angels 2

Directed by McG Starring her hotness, Drew Barrymore


I didn't see the first one so I had no idea what the hell was going on but Drew Barrymore is hot and always worth ten bucks, in this case five.  I am 27 and got the senior citizen discount, according to my ticket.  Do I need Botox already?  Speaking of Botox, Demi Moore looked fierce but I'd still rather have Ashton Kutcher.  Lots of stunts and goofiness and hot chicks.  Go see.

From Justin To Kelly

Directed by Robert Iscove, Starring Miss Independent and Miss Independent Runner Up.


I did not pay to see this movie.  Anyway it was thoroughly entertaining....the ridiculous notion that Kelly Clarkson and Justin Guarini would ever have any kind of romantic chemistry is harder to believe than the ending of the Matrix Reloaded.  Someone from Entertainment Weekly said it best and had me laughing out loud on the bus for a good five minutes: "This movie is awful, imagine Greese being acted out by the food court staff of Sea World".  A must see.

The Hulk

directed by Ang Lee Starring Eric Bana, Jennifer Connelly


Good except for the embarassingly awful scene at the end with Nick Nolte going nuts.  The CGI didn't bother me as much as I thought it would and I loved Ang Lee's comic book style transitions.  Jennifer Connoly is hot in a crunchy granola indigo girls kind of way in this film.  

X-Men 2

directed by Bryan Singer starring Hugh Jackman and Halle Berry


I saw this movie very late at night....and I did fall asleep towards the end, but I don't think it had anything to do with being tired.  Yes there are cool fight scenes and all that crap but the end gets very slow and tedious.  I think Hugh Jackman makes a great looking Wolverine but doesn't act the character at all.  In the comics, Wolverine is a wise cracking, womanizing, no shit taking badass mothafuckah and Jackman plays him like he's Peter Parker with a slight attitude problem.  Maybe it's the script, he never says "bub" not even once.  I wanted to see more of Halle Berry as Storm and definately more of Colussus.  Is it possible that there weren't enough fight scenes in this movie or maybe just that the non-fight scenes were so boring I craved more violence.  See, it's not video games that are making our culture more violent, it's badly written movies!

A Mighty Wind

Directed by Christopher Guest, Starring Eugene Levy, Christopher Guest


A bunch of hot air.  I really didn't care for this Christopher Guest foray into folk music.  The humor was too over the top and Eugene Levy's talents were wasted on a character from a bad SNL skit.  Rent "Best in Show", save ten bucks and laugh twice as hard as you did the first time you saw it.  

Daredevil

Directed by Mark Steven Johnson, Starring Ben Affleck and Jennfier Garner


I had the day off from work due to a snow storm and decided to see this instead of going to buy duct tape and plastic wrap.  In retrospect I can see that either venture was a stupid idea.  I loved the Daredevil comic back when I was 14 and could afford to buy comic books. I don't get an allowance anymore.  But let me tell those of you unfamiliar with the book something: ain't no way Daredevil be flyin around and shit.  Daredevil is a blind guy whose other senses became almost superhuman when he lost his sight.  He is NOT Superman.  That's what I loved about Daredevil, he seemed the most human of the superhuman superheroes out there.  The story here is paper thin and everything seems geared towards watching DD fight.  And those scenes aren't even that good.  I really don't like the CGI stuff at all.  Of course there was all this Matrix slowmo stuff that is way overdone now.  Please please can Reloaded and Revolutions come out already so I can stop watching this knockoff shit. 

Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones

Directed by George Lucas, Starring Natalie Portman and Hayden Christensen


Basically, if you love Star Wars like I do, then you will love this movie.  If you're looking for a well written, well acted, movie that effectively tells a story, shop elsewhere.  It's definately better than The Phantom Menace and some people think even better than Return of the Jedi.  So far I have seen it seven times and still love it.  

Spiderman

directed by Sam Raemi, Starring Tobey Mcguire and Kirsten Dunst


Much better than I expected.  But I felt like I was watching a cartoon the whole time.  All the CGI stuff just takes away any real intensity.  I long for the days when movies like this were live action ala Superman.  Yea it looked a blue screen but that was a real city in the background.  Oh well, the sequel should be good.

State Property

directed by Abdul Malik Abbot, Starring Beanie Seigel, Damon Dash and Jay-Z


This movie is crap.  The only reason I saw it is because it was too late to get into the three O'clock showing of "Brotherhood of the Wolf".  There is absolutely no character development, tons of needless violence, misogyny, and no likable characters.  I think the reason this movie pissed me off so much was that I watched "The Real World" earlier that day and got to hear Theo talk about how there is no way two men can be together without being disgusting.  He then proceeded to follow his penis wherever it led him in the house.  The audience at "State Property" were making audible sounds of disgust when a trailer came on for a film with a lesbian theme (albeit a stupid looking film called "Being Jessica Stein".)  I guess I'd had my fill of homophobia for the day already.